If happiness could look like something, what would it be?
Some people might answer with sunshine, rainbows, hot chocolate, or freshly done laundry. Others might say getting birthday presents, spending time with their kids, or jumping onto the couch after a merciless day at work.
But when I try imagining happiness, it doesnât come up with nearly the same resolution. The most I get is a fuzzy blob that doesnât quite begin or end anywhere. I donât know what it is, and I doubt anyone else really does either.
But, shouldnât we know?
Normally, not knowing wouldnât be a problem. After all, thereâs countless obscure concepts, things, and experiences we never even knew existed, and weâre doing completely fine without them. But this matters.
Most people define their reason for existing with that word. If thereâs one thing thatâs kept humans growing faster and longer than any other species, it was the knowledge that our actions could lead us to it. If thereâs one thing that makes life special, itâs that. How canât we know what it means?
Itâs frustrating, really. If happiness is our destination and we donât even know what it looks like, how can we expect to get there? How do we know weâre getting any closer or drifting further away? If happiness fell from the sky and hit us, would we even notice? We wouldnât. Thereâs no way we would.
Weâre lost. We donât know where weâre going, so anywhere we end up wandering off to becomes the wrong direction. Then, we panic. Suddenly, we realize that nothingâs under our control and the best we could ever hope to do is hold on to something and stay still.
Thatâs a hellscape called life.
Most of us see it take the form of a river that never stops flowing forward. If you donât pay attention, itâll seem slow. That doesnât change anything, though. It doesnât change the eventual fate of anything inside it, or make your future any easier to swallow.
But, everyone who gets stuck in this river usually end up finding some comfort. With a little bit of thrashing and turning, they figure something out. Whenever they grab somethingâ even if itâs for a few seconds â they get to escape the torment of that endless, emotionless water. Itâs the one thing they can control and find some peace in.
Of course, that still doesnât change anything, does it? It only prolongs the inevitable. You can only hold on to something for so long, no matter how hard you try. Itâs quite a situation. Just remember though â Iâm talking about us. This is how we navigate the river of life.
Could you call that journey a happy one? Are we supposed to keep grabbing onto these things as long as we can? Does leaving reality make the situation any better than it is?
Itâs hard to say for certain, but it sure doesnât feel right.
Considering how lifeâs going to pull everything forward regardless of what we try, pushing against it doesnât make much sense. If anything, holding onâs just going to make letting go a lot harder in the future:
Every time we get wrenched away from what we hold on to, the more we get reminded about how we never had any control in the first place.
If thatâs what happiness really is, then I donât know about you â but I wouldnât want to have anything to do with it. Itâs temporary and weak and unreliable. Most of all, itâs fake compared to that river. The objects we rest our hands on will all disappear over time. More than happiness, weâre experiencing the bliss that comes from ignoring reality for a while. But still, the river keeps flowing.
The river keeps flowing, and weâre not alone. Thereâs about seven billion of us feeling our way through the same reality and trying to process it in our own ways. As a result, we try holding on to different things in search of anything permanent.
Those rocks, tree branches, and the occasional piece of driftwood. Those things we hold on to. You know what they are, donât you? Theyâre the things thatâll eventually leave you, and the ones you donât want to leave behind.
For some people, those things take the form of money. For others, recognition or fame is what keeps them from drowning. To a few, itâs something as simple as being better than the people around them. For a moment, they make us feel like weâve left the cruel trick that was being played on us.
When weâre forced to let go, we come crashing back into the inevitable and want to go back to our dream. We donât want to wake up.
This is exactly where life becomes hell.
We know deep down that none of what weâre holding onto will last. Knowing that, we all reach for something. Each time we do, we somehow find a way to convince ourself that âthis is the one.â
But we donât just stop there. We try convincing each other that weâve found something real. Something thatâll never break in the face of life and keep us in bliss for the rest of our lives.
Whatâs even worse is how we end up believing each other. Jealous of everyone elseâs rock or twig or piece of driftwood, we all feel inferior to each other and sink a little lower than before.
We think weâre looking for happiness, but I think weâre just trying to find something real. More than anything else, weâre looking for a thing, a concept, or an idea that wonât die. Something thatâll never fail us.
Maybe thatâs why so many of us believe in gods or angels or deities thatâll one day save us from the chaos weâre in. Thatâs because we want to believe in them more than anything. Theyâre a better, calmer, safer reality to take refuge in. Maybe thatâs a good decision, or maybe thatâs a bad one. Ultimately, the river still flows the same way, and at the same speed.
If happiness exists somewhere, itâll probably be somewhere next to where realityâs hiding. If it exists, it canât be something as shallow as running away from things. It canât end so easily and exist to whisk us away from the pain of reality. It has to be there for us, and give us enough strength to face reality.
While billions of people yell and glare at each other for holding their impermanent stones and twigs and piece of driftwood, youâd be lucky to find a quiet one. Someone softly floating ahead. Not wasting the time to hold on to anything, but taking in the view with a big smile on their face.
Weâre looking for something real, but weâve already met reality face-to-face. Itâs the river nudging your forward, and thereâs nothing more real than that:
You always end up finding reality where you least want to find it.
Donât underestimate that river. Itâll break down everything in its path and carry it forward to eternity. It makes us want to hide in a corner and close our eyes for the rest of our lives.
With enough time, itâll grind any stone you could hold onto into sand. But the fact that it doesnât do the same to you means youâre stronger than that. All you have to do is stop holding on to the things in life, and start holding on to life itself.
So keep floating, my friend.
-Aaryan